This was the year that...
Happy New Year’s Eve, y’all!
I took this format from Lara Casey and it was a great way to begin a deeper reflection of my year.
I have a couple of goals brewing in my head for 2020 but nothing concrete. I don’t believe that you have to make a mad dash to January 1 fully loaded with raggedy resolutions and ill equipped intentions. Check back with me in February.
2019 is now almost in the past. See what happened below:
This was the year that I
turned 36.
traveled to Cuba & Mexico City with the best travel companions.
crossed off attending a concert at Red Rocks from my “life to-do list”.
rode 200 classes at Full Ride before 2020.
appeared in a campaign for Draper James & HOBOxNashville for HOBO Bags.
appeared in a commercial for Full Ride.
appeared on the Leading While Green Podcast with Pierre Quinn.
completed ToP Facilitation Methods training
visited Tuscaloosa & Birmingham, AL , Omaha, NE, Chicago, IL, Dallas, TX, Park City, UT, Lexington, KY, and Indianapolis, IN.
saw Lizzo, Ari Lennox, Wu-Tang Clan, J. Lo, The Head and The Heart, Donna Missal, Meg Thee Stallion, and Kelsea Ballerini perform.
witnessed 3 friends get married.
took 2 classes at Pathway Women’s Business Center to help me eventually start my business.
decided to go to Paris in Summer 2020.
facilitated/served as a speaker or panelist at 18 events.
invested my time, talent, treasure, and testimony with The Women’s Fund of the Community Foundation of Middle Tennessee, Junior League of Nashville, Nashville Symphony, Nashville Ballet, Delta Delta Delta, Belcourt Theatre, and Monroe Carell Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt.
decided to give pants a chance again. It’s worked out pretty well.
became a fan of F1 and Daniel Ricciardo.
affirmed that I do love my work but I still struggle, at times, but not as much as last year with my job.
Leaned fully into being an Enneagram 8. Yeesh!
Spent time reading the work of Cleo Wade and Cheryl Strayed to glean wisdom to help me navigate the valleys of 2019-- AND THERE WERE MANY!
etc., etc., etc. (said in my King Mongkut of Siam voice).
There was so much more that I thought I’d do and didn’t and most of the things that I did were never on my to-do list.
This was also the year that I
learned that I need a break from people-- my Relator has played a prominent role this year. I have a few friends that I make time for but my go-to move is work, workout and/or meetings, and home. I feel better alone or in small familiar groups-- I actually have been quite panicky in large groups of which I don’t know anyone or know too many people. It’s a new and scary feeling for me.
realized that I have more things that I need to say “no” to in 2020. My Significance is getting me into trouble. I want to get even better at breathing before I say “yes” , saying “no” to things that I know don’t serve me well , and breaking my commitment if needed.
sat in rooms and realized once again that I have everything I need to be successful and that most people aren’t as “together” as they seem-- others are totally allowed and should think that about me as well.
accepted that I am completely confused about my professional & geographic future. I don’t know what to do or where to go. Perhaps that’s because I’m supposed to stay put?!
contemplated packing it all up and moving back to Virginia. Still haven’t scratched this off my list.
begrudgingly confirmed that anger is my go-to emotion and I have to figure out more positive ways to channel it. As my colleague told me, “Be angry, but do something with it.”
affirmed that I need to stop spending money like it’s growing on trees. I have champagne taste on a Kool-Aid budget. I’m going to have to do some things differently this year.
confirmed that I don’t actually need more things and I’m just attempting--unsuccessfully--to fill voids.
feared that I’ll never be able to do anything else professionally accept work in Higher Education.
finally feel like lessons from my childhood are catching up to me leading to irrational fears and limitations.
dragged my feet going back to church and therapy but know that I can’t continue to do so in 2020.
realized that I’m procrastinating on many things that I thought I wanted to happen in my life -- what does that mean? Do I really NOT want these things? Am I scared? What’s happening in my surrounding context that’s causing me to not move forward?
Reflection is simply the act of making meaning of your experience. Most of us are so busy on the hamster wheel of life that we don’t prioritize taking a breath and asking ourselves about how we’re affected by the happenings of life ,what we’re learning from them, how what happened yesterday impacts who we want to be today or tomorrow, and what we might do differently or the same in the future. When you don’t reflect, you often continue in the same cycles and life happens to you . With a bit of reflection you could put yourself in the driver’s seat and make life happen for you.
I don’t get upset with folks and their “new year, new me” declarations because we all want to make progress in life. Now, if you’re saying this every year and not doing the work, that’s a whole different conversation that we need to have, but I hope that people continue to wake up in the morning with a desire to become their best self. If January 1 is your starting point, that’s great but if March 5 feels better then “do you”.
Yeesh, what a year! I’m not getting any younger and the alternative to that isn’t appealing ;). My biggest hope for 2020 is just to feel better. Feel better physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially. That’s it. This could mean big or little progress— I just want to feel better.
